Uncle Walter's Rants

A Blogalicious 2015 Day

Disguised as one of my many alter-egos I was able to slip into Blogalicious 2015 in Baltimore Maryland this weekend.  Not sure what I could learn to help promote my blogs I entered with an open mind and an eagerness to learn.  What I saw was a bit surprising.

The usual things I would expect were there.  Companies to help tie sponsors to my blogs where I could get free stuff for touting how great their things are. There were conferences with "experts" who would advise you to promote your blogs and update regularly and all that good stuff. There were other bloggers, a very nice crowd, who were great to talk with (and a little surprised to hear there was something out there like www.rottenromance.com or romance.unclewaltersrants.com). This was all expected, and then there were some unexpected surprised for a blogging convention.

The sponsors... well, they were unexpected to say the least.  Domain.me was there and I could easily see how they could work with bloggers. So was Wells Fargo, again I'm good with that and then there were a few surprises.

 

Top Six Surprising Sponsors of 2015 Blogalicious

 

1. 
   ALDI, the Grocery Store was there with a table promoting their wine. They gave away free bottles which was cool, but I was never clear on why they were there.  Sure ALDI wine is neat and all, but how does that help me to blog? On top of that the wine they gave away for free was not on sale in Maryland.  I would have to drive to Virginia or DC to get some.
2. Mahogany Cards from Hallmark had a full suite with free greeting cards for attendees. Which was nice and all, but what did that have to do with anything? Admitadly I walked through the suite, but didn't interact with the people there.  Maybe there was some hidden purpose I didn't get, but then again maybe not.
3. Toyota was there promoting Toyota things?  I guess, they were.  They had a contest where you take a pic with a RAV4 parked out front and you could win a camera and they had blogging advisers available on an appointment basis.  I spoke with them about their attendance and they explained that they have provided vehicles to bloggers for review purposes in the past.  Unexpected for my part, but I guess they fit in.  At least what they presented was blogging related.
4. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwed Pregnancy was there to promote birth control methods which is awesome and all but I'm not sure what that has to do with blogging.  That being said, I think that they will get a future blog post out of me because they had a lot of important and positive stuff to say.
5. 
   And then Kikkoman was there.  You know the soy sauce people?  I was like, what the heck!  Soy and blogs, do they even mix?  But then they hit me up free soy sauce ice cream (tasted kinda like coffee) and some soy chocolate milk which was pretty awesome.  The people at the suite were pretty awesome too so I'll accept it as normal.
6. Then I ran into the strangest sponsor of all in a suite, Monsanto. The GMO people, reviled by some and feeding most of us anyway. Why were they there, what could they want, what kind of swag could I get from them (it was a neat salad bottle)? So I ventured in and what did I find?  Some of the nicest people there and a few farmers.  They were ready to talk about what they did, I didn't get into politics of GMOs and they didn't bring it up. Their lemonade was weak, but they were some of the nicest people there.  They said they were there to communicate their "message" better as to what they do. Honestly it seems like a good idea for them although I think a blogging conference is an odd place to do it but still it's a good start for them.  Not going to weight in on the GMO thing here, but no matter what they were good people there with nice swag so I would go back again.

So what did I learn from it all? I learned that sponsors don't have to match the event to get a massage across (although I still don't get it), that there are better ways to promote the blog, many ways to get free stuff and Kikkoman can be used to make decent ice cream.  All in all it was a worth while day.

-UW

 

A tasty treat for the inner cannibal in all of us

Popeyes, masters of chicken for when you aren't in the mood for KFC, has decided to appease the little Jeffrey Dahmer in all of us. That's right, Popeyes new Rip'n Chick'n is a chicken breast, sliced partially through, and then fried. And it looks like a human hand. Now you can indulge your man-eating desires without the taboo of human flesh! Don't belive it is supposed to look like battered and fried human digits? Then why do you think they call the parts you rip off "fingers"?

The concept and execution are bad enough. But then they take this mangled hand-breast and serve it with fries (OK), biscuit (OK)... and ranch dressing... WTF??? Why does everything on the face of the earth have to come with ranch dressing? I mean, it looks like peppered "man-juice" and tastes like... Well, you don't want to know.

Seriously, I can go just about anywhere and they are like, "would you like ranch with that," and I'm like "Hell no, you bastard, don't deface my food with your speckled dressing!" Why would I want that??? Blue cheese, honey mustard, even ketchup, and I'm good. But ranch? That stuff is awful.

Now all I can think about is ranch. What was I talking about?  Oh well. Never mind.

-UW

 

Freakiest Ad Ever!

Recently used this for the Romance Quotes Blog http://romance.unclewaltersrants.com/2011/08/sex-stalker-2-exposed-darren-g-burton.html

-UW

Let Uncle Walter whip out his massive... collection, and give you what you need this year!

For his New Year's resolution, Uncle Walter has vowed to reclaim his home from the ripped bodice scourge!  With over 4000 romance novels, we'll soon be buried under our wares like some horny hoarder.

Now is your chance to own a piece of history!  For the unbelievable price of 10 books for $15 or 5 books for $7.50 (plus shipping), Uncle Walter will whip out his massive... collection... and personally give you what you need: a box filled with panty-dampening thrills!  Just imagine:  you will have access to the stories behind some of our amazing quotes, hold the stunningly bad covers in your own hands -- knowing the whole time that Uncle Walter had touched that same book with his own hands, too!  Each box will contain a random assortment of books with a saucy mix of quotes and covers, as well as a letter, personally signed by Uncle Walter, thanking you for your purchase.  The letter alone should be worth $40 on eBay!  (No guarantee of resale value is made or implied, but you know you wouldn't want to sell it anyway -- it's from Uncle Walter, after all.)

Email me at [email protected] to place your order.  This promotion is for a limited time only, so act now!

Contact Uncle Walter to discuss payment methods available, including but not limited to Paypal and sexual favors.  Wait, The Wife can see this, can't she?  I guess we'd better stick to monetary exchanges, then, 'cause she doesn't like to be left out.

I just can't stand Kontera Ads!!!

If you know me, or at least read my collection of blogs, you have to know I love advertising in all its forms, from glossy glamorous magazine ads to clever tv ads.  Some are great, some are awful, all have something worth noting.  Well I have to say there is an exception to that rule: Kontera.  I was reading the articles on foxnews.com (I read from just about all the sites) when my innocent mouse pointer passed over the word construction.  Then, without warning, an ad appeared as a balloon over the words, hawking an HP printer.  It just stayed there blocking my text till I clicked the X to close it.  Then over success stories, one selling an HP laptop popped up.  It did go away after playing a little commercial for me.

Yeah I get it, people don't always read or click on ads.  I know because only a tiny percentage of the people who read my blogs ever click on them.  Unfortunately the terms of the ads specifically say I can't plead with readers to click them and make me money.  But, Kontera has in-text ads, where they take key words and turn them into ads where if you pass over the word a supposedly relevant ad appears.  In my case HP was selling computers on an article about the condition and expense of caring for unused VA facilities.  Not sure why there was a connection there, but whatever.  I can't stand reading an article and needing to be careful where my cursor goes for risk of incurring a pop-up that overlays my text.  It is just annoying and I think that these ads need to go away. 

-UW

Yes, clowns are in fact creepy

Kudos to USPS for one clever commercial promoting flat rate priority mail boxes, while still being creepy.

This is just gross, why would you buy this stuff?

So, I look in magazines and read lots of stuff, and then move on the the Ads.  Today's is also from Popular Mechanics. near the back, in a small box, is the image of some bulging guy's chest, who looks like a poster child for steroids.  The only info on the ad is,

-Human Growth-

-Hormone-

-Testosterone-

Legal & Safe

No Prescription Needed

The it goes on to tell you to order online and gives a number and web site.  The website, http://www.phd10.com/, has lots of pics of gross bulgy people.  They sell this stuff as steroid and steroid replacements.  If the images are the results, I wonder why anyone buys this stuff.  Let me tell you if your body looks like this then something is not right.

The site is vague and confusing, and completely non-regulated.  It's like buying random drugs from strangers, who knows what you will get.  Besides anything that messes with your hormones so much cannot be a good thing.

Anyway, the pic is bad, I just don't get it.

-Uncle Walter

Gravity Defyer Spring Shoes, Now with SPERM!

Back to Popular Mechanics today.  I came across an ad for the Gravity Defyer shoes.  Those are the ones that have springs in them and are supposed to be good for your back and such (can't wear them they don't make my size).  I was looking at the ad and saw something a little odd...

Oh my, I thought to myself.  That is an odd logo for the company on the side.  Why it even looks like, well a Sperm.  This can't be right, then I looked at the name logo.

Well, that's one way to get a little spring in your step.  I wonder if you have to wear rubber socks.

-Uncle Walter

Rebranding, does it ever end??? Why AOL, WHY???

So, you may remember my previous post about companies changing their names, like SciFi to SyFy, and Pizza Hut to The Hut, but the latest is the most absurd.  America Online, which we all know as a boom story of the '90s is leaving Time Warner to become a stand alone company again and changing their name from AOL to .... drum roll please ...Aol.

So let me get this straight, we are going from:

To ...

Really, this is an improvement?  Somehow AOL becomes Aol. and it now commands a new respect.  Nothing is better than a company who takes a name that everyone knows and changes it just enough for people to lose interest.  I wonder how much longer Aol. will survive.

-Uncle Walter (maybe I should change that to Uw.)

Warning, Bumpits are NOT edible!!!

I was looking at the Bumpits site for a reference to the romance covers blog and came across the warnings at the bottom of the instruction page at http://www.bighappiehair.com/instructions.html.

Yes, according to the instructions they are not recommended for children under 12 and they are not edible.  Not once did I think of eating them.  I wonder who did?

-Uncle Walter