Uncle Walter's Rants

Walk Hard - The Dewey Cox Story

This is an underrated film that really deserves better.  John C. Reilly really delivers in this spoof of the classic docu-dramas of musical artists.  I have to put this one high on the list of recommendations for the fun and plain sillyness. 

The plot revolves around Dewey Cox as he deals with the accidental machete accident where he cut his brother in half.  This incident haunts him throughout his life and career as rock star and musical sensation.  He meets Elvis, Buddy Holly, and does acid with The Beatles.  We watch him evolve as he travels through life battling drugs, and bathroom sinks.  The songs all sung by Reilly are clever and fun.  You could actually imagine some of the becoming real hits.  I especially liked Walk Hard, a nice tribute to some of the classic songs of that era.  Some of his funniest songs come during his phase in the sixties when he decides to fight for the rights of others and chooses midget rights.  Here are the lyrics to one of the best, "Let Me Hold You Little Man"

All the elevator Buttons
Oh so Incredibly High
I stand today for the midget
WRONG:At the size of a regular Guy
RIGHT: Half the size of a regular Guy

Let Me Hold You Little Man
As the parade passes by
Let Me Hold You Little man
We'll make believe you can fly

You shout for me to put you down
But I'm marching today for your cause
I'm bangin' the drum
Your big day will come
When they remake the wizard of Oz

Let Me Hold You Midget Man
We'll pretend that you're flyin in space
Let Me Hold You Little Man
So the dog will stop licking your face

Little Shoes, Little Pants
Little Song, Little Dance
Little Heart, Little Mind
But your rights are as big as mine

Na, Na-Na-Na, Na-Na-Na-Na
Na-Na Na Na-Na Na Na
Thank God I'm Tall
I won't let you fall
We're all midget, one and for all
Thank God I'm Tall
I won't let you fall
We're all midget, and some are just small

Stand Up For The Little People!

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Overall a fun movie, not for kids but worth watching.  Throw it into your Netflix pool and let the laughing begin.

I will leave you with one more song from the album that is so bad it is good.

-Uncle Walter

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,
I want you to know,
I am deeper than you,
Listen and learn,
My heart is a chapel,
My head is a steeple,
My arms are the people,
And the people now yearn.

I stand for the midget,
I stand for the Negro,
I stand for the Injun,
all hopped up on booze,
I stand for the Jap,
And I stand for the beaner,
I stand, yes I do,
For the Christ-Killin' Jew.

And I stand for the Dyke,
And I stand for the retard,
I stand for the Chinaman,
Washing my socks,
I stand for the bum,
And the pimp, and the bugger,
And the cripple that lives,
On my street in a box.

To conclude, Mr. President,
I'm not at all hesitant,
To tell you I think,
The first ladies a fox,
Her husband, the jerk off,
Has ruined my country,
That's all for today,
Sincerely, D. Cox.

I need more movies like The Incredibles

Tonight The Disney Channel blessed me with a showing of The Incredibles.  It had been a while since I had seen it, and I am still impressed.  I suppose as I have aged more I can relate to Mr. Incredible more.  It is easy to look back at my younger days and think of what I did back then and wish I could do it again.  This movie reminds us all that the adventure continues, only with a family, evolved into something even better.  While I flew solo in the past I now have The Wife as a co-pilot and the kids tagging along making every old experience new again.  I need more movies that remind me of things like that.  It is too easy to fall into a rut and feel that the best days are far behind you, when the really good stuff is just ahead.  You can make your own miracles every day, and your age is irrelevant to it.  It is a good thing to be reminded of that every now and then.

Time Travel and the Wife - A Movie Analysis

My loving wife (whom from here on out I will refer to as "wife") believes in rules for time travel, and when a movie/book/play/cheeseburger falls out of those rules, it is wrong and "stupid".  I accept her views and beliefs, but must make it clear that those "rules" that she has may apply to one or two movies/books/plays/McNuggets but not all of them.  So I have decided to explain the time travel rules of a few movies so that she has a key to understand the universe in which the movie exists and to spare wife from the pain of it "not being right".  Since I like movies I am doing movies, because I am lazy I am not doing books, I haven't seen a play on time travel yet so I am not doing that, and I am not hungry so I am not doing french fries.

To wit, enjoy the list I hope it helps...

Timeline

Based on Micheal Crichtons book (you may know of him as the guy who has decided that science and technology will destroy us all with natural things like dinosaurs, viruses and global warming) this story tells of a group of archaeologists "faxed" into the past.  Before going they unearth a tomb with a guy with a broken ear.  In the past one of them gets his ear cut, and he is all happy because he is going to stay and be the dead guy in the tomb that later in time, but earlier in his life, he will discover.  For wife this is an instant grrrr moment, because it creates a paradox.  Well, this movie prescribes to the concept that time exists and will always exist unchanged.  So, what has happened already accounts for any time travel that will happen.  For example, I go back in time and step on a bug, well that bug was always stepped on so the reality I return to is the one I left.  Nothing can be changed, blah blah blah. 

Back to the Future (Part I)

Marty hits 88MPH and his Delorean goes to November 5th 1955.  He alters the meeting of his parents and now, he is going to fade from existence if he can't fix it.  This one is different from Timeline in the fact that time will change, and the changes go back in time slowly.  Marty's siblings are fading from time as though a wave of change is spreading forward from the point he is at outward to the future.  Since he is the youngest, he is the last to be affected. Upon correcting the situation all is better, or is it.  Upon returning to the future he sees that his life has changed, but he has not.  Wouldn't that wave of change still hit him and made him into the person of that reality?  Hmm, that's not quite right.  And don't get me started on Back to the Future II, that one has billions of temporal flow problems.  So I will say BTF is fun to watch, but not consistent, so try to keep up with the time travel rules while watching it.

Terminator

Big evil robot dude goes back in time to kill mother of guy who threatens robot dudes in future.  Good dude goes back in time and saves lady and becomes father of future guy.  Ok, here is the flow of this one.  You can go back, but not forward, and maybe change things, although as we learn every time you attempt to change history you end up confirming it. So I guess this is like Timeline where everything is preordained, maybe the new movie will change this rule.


Timecop

Synopsis, Guy goes through time catching bad guys.  Bad guys try to assassinate guy.  Guy finds out his wife and kids who died years earlier are dead because of bad guy.  Guy goes through time and saves wife and kids.  Guy is happy.  :) 

Ok wife, this one has to hurt your head.  You can go back, change things, but you are not aware of the changes when you go back into the future unless you have been affected by other people going back in time, but you can go back and interact with yourself (but not touch otherwise you melt into goo) but when you go to the future you have no memory of these events from the perspective of the you that you helped.  Maybe that person evaporated, I don't know.  And you you have to live a life without knowing what happened for the past however many years.  I have to say that would suck.  Two points to wife for smacking her head on this one, and I have to add why does Van Damme have to do one leg split per movie???

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Simple plot, two kids have a rock band that will one day bring peace and water parks to the world.  Future guy (Rufus) goes back in time and gives them a time machine to go into the past and work on their school project so they can stay together and learn to play guitar.  Ok, this one seems to prescribe to the concept that time is decided by the winners and the future can directly control the past.  Bill and Ted would not have been as good if Rufus had not gone back in time.  But Rufus would not have gone back in time if Bill and Ted hadn't have been so good. On top of that, as you see in the end, they can setup things to influence the now by remembering to do things later.   Hmm, wife, no need to smack head I did it to myself on this one.  While MOST EXCELLENT this movie has some very odd time travel rules.

Army of Darkness

Ok, so Ash (our hero) is hurled through time by some kind of magic type thing and battles demons with a chainsaw and shotgun.  Yeah, I dig it.  Time travel is very simple.  You go back in time, and who knows if history is changed because you kick ass while you are back there and no one notices if anything.  Later in S-Mart (Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart) you keep kicking ass, without any signs of time travel's nefarious impact.  I don't know what if any rules apply here.  But with a chainsaw for a hand you rock!

Groundhog Day

So Bill Murray relives groundhog day until he gets it right and then time progresses normally again.  Its as if time resets to 6AM every groundhog day for everyone except Bill.  No idea why, no rules beyond that.  No paradoxes to explain.




Twelve Monkeys

Bruce Willis is hurled back in time to find out who the 12 Monkeys are and why did they attack the world with a super virus.  He finds it and the future is saved.  What we learn is that his presence in the past always happened and anything he does back then, was preordained to happen.  Time cannot be modified.







Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry and Hermione go back in time to change a few things, or think they are.  What we learn is that, like in 12 Monkeys, they were preordained to change things.  Time cannot be changed, but magic is cool.








Star Trek (The New Movie)

Here we go the one that started the whole time travel discussion to begin with.  Since this is new and some may not have seen it, I will skip the synopsis and jump right to the time travel analysis.  Time here works just as it does in other Star Trek movies via a parallel dimension concept.  Time exists as a line and when something changes in the past time will skew to the new temporal dimension.  Since every reality exists concurrently people can leap from time line to time line resulting in duplication as seen in the latest movie when we have two Spocks.  Based on this, the current movie takes place in a separate time line from the previous series and movies.


So there you have it, a small snippet of time travel movies and concepts.  I haven't touched on some very good movies with different time travel concepts such as Time After Time, The Time Machine, Millennium, Austin Powers, and the like.  I also haven't touched on some very interesting TV series like Futurama where Fry is his own grandfather (one of my personal favorites).  I will do more movies if anyone requests in future posts.



 

Oh Lord, We Thank Thee for J.J. Abrams and the new STAR TREK

Tonight was the night that this long time Trekkie entered the theater to take a first look at some old friends.  I grew up on Trek and lived by it daily.  My live's schedule was planned around the shows, just so I would not miss any.  To be clear, I was a HUGE TOS (The Old Series) fan long before TNG (The Next Generation) came out.  So, I feel I have earned the right to judge the new movie.  After all this movie would be following in the foot steps of six series, ten movies, and millions of rabid fans.  J.J. Abrams took on the impossible task, make Star Trek relevant again and let it connect with a new generation while keeping the old one happy.  I am pleased to say he did that.

Honestly, I had goosebumps from the moment it started, and within a minute I was not in a movie theater, I was on the Enterprise alongside the younger, yet undeniably familiar crew.  I laughed when the familiar phrases came out, and felt pain when they did.  The story moved quickly, and the film ended much too soon.  My only complaint was that it ended.  I was ready for more!

Fortunately, work has already started on the sequel (of the prequel), now comes the hardest part... waiting.  Till that wonderful day when we have more Trek to enjoy I will go back to see this one again and again.

Finally a quick nod to The Onion for a clever news video about the movie:

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Monsters Vs. Aliens - Movie Review

So Friday night, opening night, I took little six year old Boo out to see Monster Vs. Aliens.  Note that we did not go to a 3D theater because the 3D doesn't work for me due to a lazy eye and blue color blindness.  Anyway we went to the theater and settled down for a new film with mixed hopes based on the reviews which I had already read.  To be honest the reviews were truthful, but I enjoyed it more than I expected.

First of all the movie played off the classic B-Movies of the 50s quite nicely.  Boo had never seen those old movies, but was enthralled with the monsters reguardless of their historical origin.  The real surprise has to be Reese Witherspoon as Susan the 49 ft 11" woman (Ginormica).  She was an excellent example of a woman who wrapped her life around her man and when that fell apart (thanks to a meteor) she found the strength within to become the leader of the team and the power to challenge   And to be honest I didn't expect her to be as good as she was in this role.  I hope to see her do more animated films in the future.

The plot is predictable, but enjoyable.  The monsters are rather generic to be honest except for  Ginormica who was a strong character in her own right.  The other monsters, most notably BOB, where fun, but they were never developed as much as I would have liked to have see.  Still there were laughs to be had regurally. 

The casting was done quite well, which no doubt carried the story at times where it would have become boring.  And I have to say Keiffer Sutherland was excellent as General Monger.

Total score?  If you have kids take them to see this.  If you don't, it is still worth seeing.

Watchmen was Awesome

Ok, it took too long to post, mainly because the Watchmen is an odd film to grasp.  But as one who just read the book it was great.  I recommend it to anyone (of age) who has read the book.  If you have not, then I think you will find it too hard to follow the story.

So this is it, time to see The Watchmen

Last week, I finally read The Watchmen and quite frankly, it was the greatest graphic novel I have ever read.  It it at the top of my list of all books I have read.  So tonight I am going to the 12:01 showing.  The reviews have been mixed thus far, so I will post what I think.  I have high hopes, but I know that there is no way to tell the whole story in only three hours.  Never the less I look forward to seeing it and think it will be great.  We will see...

Coraline - Movie Review with Boo

Coraline - a terrifying film, a majestic adventure, a nightmare inducing voyage, a joy to watch especially with a child. 

What can I say, I love kids films, and I loved the Nightmare Before Christmas.  And my darling 6 year old daughter (Boo) has picked up the same love of oddly spooky yet fun films, much to my wife's dismay.  Coraline was on my little girl's list for weeks now.  She was entranced by the cinematography, but fearful of the story, and rightfully so.  This movie could give me nightmares, and there was a time when she grabbed me and said, "Daddy, I want to go home I don't want to see it anymore.", but she kept holding me close with her eyes glued to the screen.

To summarize, the story is amazing and elegantly told.  The animation was unbelievable and light years ahead of Nightmare Before Christmas.  It was horribly terrifying for the last 1/3 of the film, but worth watching.  Just make sure your little one knows what he/she is getting into and be ready to cover the eyes. 

 My final grade: A-  Great for Kids, min age of 6.  Be ready to cover the eyes.