Uncle Walter's Rants

Celebrating Ten Years Married to The Wife (formerly known as The Fiancée, The Girlfriend, and The Cute Girl) - Part One

It was a wonderful, stressful, painful, and overwhelming day.  It was the day The Fiancée officially took on the name that will stay with her for the rest of her life, The Wife.  It was a grand occasion with family from both sides, and we were hitched among great pomp and circumstance.  But... that is not where the story really begins.  Instead it started thirteen years ago, back in an ancient time we now know as "The Nineties."  Let's go back there now and take a look, shall we?

Good old UW (that would be me) worked in a small computer company delivering computers, setting them up, and picking them up.  It was a simple life, but a lonely one.  I had a tiny one room apartment, my furniture was crafted from old cardboard boxes, my TV was only 19".  Then one day I received a phone call from an unlikely source, my old room mate in college, "R".  Seems R had found himself a woman, and was planning on getting hitched.  How about that?  I have to admit it was the last thing I expected from R, but there it was.  He was younger than me, but had a love.  Lucky bastard.  I was invited and cheerfully accepted, then spent the evening in the manly tradition of eating ice cream and watching "When Harry Met Sally."  Yeah, I guess I'm a romantic at heart, so what?  You wanna fight about it?

The wedding was planned for December 12, 1997.  Thinking about it, I did ask him if there were any women who may be of interest to me.  He thought a bit and then stated, "no."  Oh well, whatever will be will be.  So I made a few plans to visit my Aunt in Tampa while I was down there and made my flight and car reservations.  On December 11th I flew down to Tampa, Florida from my Maryland abode and drove to Sarasota where R lived and went to college.  Following the printed directions, pre-GPS boys and girls, I made my way to the apartment and walked in the door.

Now, before I tell you about what was on the other side of the door, let me explain a few facts.  R was under 21, studying in college.  Everyone at the wedding, other than parents, was in that age range.  I was older than them in years and maturity.  I had low hopes for finding anyone for me.  I had packed light and fit all my clothes into my backpack with my laptop.  Since I had a wool suit for the wedding, I didn't want to wrinkle it, so I wore it on the flight.  And I wore it as I went to that door on that hot Florida day.

Anyway, back to the door.  It had a door knob, I remember that.  But that's not important.  What is important is what was on the other side of the door.  Inside were a collection of young kids (yeah, not my thing) and there, in the kitchen was this goddess wearing shorts and an over sized t-shirt, doing dishes.  Ok, let me be honest, "goddess" was not what came to mind.  What did was, well, she looks interesting and cute.  Not like the preschoolers that everyone else was.  She looked at me and blurted out, "WHY ARE YOU WEARING PANTS?!"

Now, UW is a bit of a socially inept computer type guy.  I didn't know what to do.  I think I mumbled and shuffled my feet.   She went on to explain how it was soooo hot! and why wasn't everyone hot? and there would be someone from the north who would understand how hot it was, walking in wearing shorts, sweating, and complaining of the heat!  And here I come in, wearing wool pants.  After a few quick introductions, I changed into jeans and a t-shirt, still no shorts for the cute dish-washing lady, but it would have to do.  

Time has faded much of my memory of the day, but I remember playing Duke Nukem, hoping that the cute girl would come over.  (OK, I was young I still thought of them as girls.)  Lo and behold, it worked!  Being me, I did not know how to converse properly with an attractive woman, but she was so open and talkative and we seemed to hit it off.  We talked a lot and had fun, and that night, at the big dinner before the wedding day, at The Olive Garden, she did lewd things with bread sticks to make the pre-schoolers (and their parents) laugh.  Yeah, she was neat-o.  That night we talked.  And she made her intentions clear.  And I was not so sure of them.  But, well, let's just say we had a good night together.

The next day at the wedding we discussed it and decided to tell R, who was a friend of the Cute Girl, that we were "an item" for the duration of the visit.  He gave us a big thumbs up and a big grin.  Little did he know that by bringing us together he would change the course of our lives so greatly.  Then again he didn't imagine he would be divorced in three years either.

We spent the next few days together, cancelling my visit with my aunt, and getting to know each other... better.  Then I flew away, never expecting to see her again.  But we spoke each night on the phone, and I made a decision to offer to fly down and spend New Year's together.  It would be a trip that would end with Cute Girl transforming into The Girlfriend, but that is a story to continue another day.

Uncle Walter -- Ten Year Husband of The Wife (and proud of it!)

Afghanistan and Iraq have insurgents... What about Post-WWII Germany?

So we are year and years into the occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan.  We have finally "officially" ended combat operations in Iraq, but Afghanistan still seems like a distant hope.  The insurgents hit us with IEDs, suicide bombs, and use fear to intimidate those that would cooperate with us.  Looking at it, I can see how an indigenous people could hide in plain site and orchestrate such a movement.  They could stockpile weapons and train new recruits to handle the loss of others, practically under our noses.  Throw in the mountainous regions of Afghanistan and Pakistan and it gets even easier.  But, looking back I have to wonder, why didn't something like this happen with Germany after WWII?

What the Nazi regime did was horrible, and the Allied forces went in with guns blazing.  Soviet soldiers raped German women, US Forces kept out the Red Cross and malnutrition was rampant.  In fact it was years before the infant mortality rate in West Germany normalized with the rest of Europe.  Yet with the power the Nazi's had, I have to wonder why they ended as they did and did not fight as an insurgency against an occupying force.  Right now I am reading a book by Harry Turtledove called The Man With the Iron Heart, which plays out a situation where they kept fighting, they did not stop as they did in real life.  Maybe with more research and understanding I can get a better feeling for why Germany did roll over as it did.  Putting aside the politics and the atrocities that occurred, once the war was over, it was an occupation with Allied forces working to install a new government to replace one that we had deposed.  Just food for thought.

-UW

The Great Shame of Germany - The Elimination of Two Styles of Mustaches

As a bit of a history buff I read about wars, and battles, of tragedy and success and I look at all the pictures.  In my review I have come across a few things, one of which is Germany's impact on mustaches.  Lets take a look at the most famous example, Hitler.

The classic Hitler 'stache is dead.  No one wears it anymore.  True this kind looks like nose hair that has simply gotten two long, or a nose shadow, but I don't think that has anything to do with its lack of popularity.  It's the whole Hitler thing, and by association his 'stache is cursed.  Think this is the only German 'stache incident?  Think again.

 
Take a look at the German Emperor Wilhelm II who led the country through WWI. That was one stylish 'stache, which had to defy gravity.  Hitler's seems lame and lazy in comparison.  Wilhelm made this a fashion statement, but alas, they lost and the 'stache vanished with him.  After the war he lived in exile in the Netherlands, even losing his famed mustache to obscure his classic appearance.

Perhaps time will allow these lost German mustaches to recover, but it seems unlikely.  Much like President Chester A. Arthur's mutton chops they are lost to the ages.

-Uncle Walter
 
 

An interesting question

In today's climate of immigration debate and such something occurred to me.  Right now we (meaning Arizona and a few others) are trying to kick out anyone who is not here legally and sometimes legally as well.  It's like the South Park episode where they kept spouting, "They took our jobs!"  People are scared, and I accept that.  But, I am not going to talk about the immigration debate, I want to look at something else, related, but different.  If so many Mexicans want to come to the United States, doesn't that make you wonder something?

What if the Mexican states of Sonora, Chihuahua, or Coahuila which all border the United States wanted to join the Union?  If you can't get to the United States bring it to you instead.  After all we basically annexed Texas, how would we react if they wanted to join us?  Would we welcome them and bring the standard of living in those states up to our level or would we reject them?  Would they be territories, or would we grant statehood quickly?  It is an interesting concept, seeing the United States grow because someone wants to be part of us, then again what would Mexico do at the thought of losing territory.  Would it be war, or would they instead do something like the Russians did when they sold us Alaska.  We buy the states for however many million or billion dollars and get the land, people and all.  Talk about manifest destiny in the 21st century.

-UW

John C. Calhoun the VP with the creepy face

So I like history and read quite a bit of it, primarily American history.  Well today I want to bring up John C. Calhoun.  He was a congressman, senator and vice president to John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson.  He looks like a nice enough guy, in fact it looks like he is reading this as I write it.  Then as he got older his appearance changed a bit.

He looks older, hair is a little wild, he isn't even paying any attention to what I am writing

In fact I think he is staring at my soda right now.  He has a bit of a creepy vibe.  Then you have the Dracula impersonation sketch of him.

Now he is really getting spooky, kinda like the masks the Scooby Doo villains wore.  Then he enters this period where he shifts more toward Lurch or Frankenstein.

Finally we see the shot by Matthew Brady

 

That is not someone I would want to have to debate in a dark alley.

-UW

To the victor go the spoils, to the loser destruction

War is not a pretty thing.  Found these looking through the Library of Congress on-line catalog.  They are of Richmond after the Civil War.

-UW

Lets take a moment to talk about "cleaning up" history

In the world of today we live in a "Politically Correct" atmosphere.  Racism is frowned upon, and equality is supposed to be king.  At least that is the ideal we all seem to be striving for.  It is an ideal I believe in, we all deserve the same opportunities.  What bothers me is when people play with history, and decided it is time to change it. 

The classic example of "cleaning up" history comes when period literature is censored or removed from libraries.  Take Mark Twain's work with Huckleberry Fin.  This book which is considered America's first great novel speaks in the terms of the era including the use of the word "nigger" which was a term of the time.  Today it is a word not to be used, but in historical context it is different.  In the book it is used 216 times and is accurate from a contextual and historical perspective.  Why censor history to make it politically correct.  Isn't it more important that people learn the truth of the time?

You see this all the time with movies that take place in the past, but there is complete racial equality.  Are we supposed to just pretend the past didn't happen.  It may be a past we are not proud of, but it is still our past and our shared heritage.  The same goes for the Confederate flag.  It was the symbol of the Confederate States of America, not a white supremacy tool.  It has been used as that before, but so have pitchforks.  Should all pitchforks be banned?  Lets just look at history as it happened.  Use words to put it in the right context.  Even though that is a bad word, it wasn't then.  We have to accept that those of the past were a product of their times.  Some strove to rise to the next level, some did not.  It does not change the positive contributions they made.  

We need to accept that history is not a pretty subject.  The Nazis had eugenics, and that makes them evil.  But wait, so did we.  Well they were anti-Semites, and then again so were many in the US.  The truth is that history is not pretty.  After all we all respect and admire the founding father of our country George Washington, the slave owner, who had a great victory by going against war tradition and attacking pre-dawn on the 26th of December.  Take history for what it was and portray is accurately.  It hurts to remind us of the past, but the past has lessons that we all need to know.

-UW

John Greenleaf Whittier's poem of 1864, Barbara Frietchie

Up from the meadows rich with corn,
Clear in the cool September morn,
 

The clustered spires of Frederick stand
Green-walled by the hills of Maryland.
 

Round about them orchards sweep,
Apple and peach trees fruited deep,
 

Fair as the garden of the Lord
to the eyes of the famished rebel horde,
 

On that pleasant morn of the early fall
When Lee marched over the mountain-wall;
 

Over the mountains winding down,
Horse and foot, into Frederick town.
 

Forty flags with their silver stars,
Forty flags with their crimson bars,
 

Flapped in the morning wind; the sun
Of noon looked down, and saw not one.
 

Up rose old Barbara Frietchie then,
Bowed with her fourscore years and ten;
 

Bravest of all in Frederick town,
She took up the flag the men hauled down;
 

In her attic window the staff she set,
To show that one heart was loyal yet.
 

Up the street came the rebel tread,
Stonewall Jackson riding ahead.
 

Under his slouched hat left and right
He glanced; the old flag met his sight.
 

"Halt!" the dust-brown ranks stood fast.
"Fire!" out blazed the rifle-blast.
 

It shivered the window, pane and sash;
It rent the banner with seam and gash.
 

Quick, as it fell, from the broken staff
Dame Barbara snatched the silken scarf.
 

She leaned far out on the window-sill,
And shook it forth with a royal will.
 

"Shoot, if you must, this old gray head,
But spare your country's flag," she said.
 

A shade of sadness, a blush of shame,
Over the face of the leader came;
 

The nobler nature within him stirred
To life at that woman's deed and word;
 

"Who touches a hair of yon gray head
Dies like a dog! March on!" he said.
 

All day long through Frederick street
Sounded the tread of marching feet:
 

All day long that free flag tost
Over the heads of the rebel host.
 

Ever its torn folds rose and fell
On the loyal winds that loved it well;
 

And through the hill-gaps sunset light
shone over it with a warm good-night.
 

Barbara Frietchie's work is o'er,
and the Rebel rides on his raids no more.
 

Honor to her! And let a tear
Fall, for her sake, on Stonewall's bier.
 

Over Barbara Frietchie's grave,
Flag of Freedom and Union, wave!
 

Peace and order and beauty draw
Round thy symbol of light and law;
 

And ever the stars above look down
On thy stars below in Frederick town!

Check out tomorrow's Professor Walter Post to learn more about this poem.

The Power of a Good Speaker

In the news today there are many articles, and a good number of them talk about Obama.  There are some who love him, and those who hate him.  Either way, most admit he is an excellent speaker.  In this time of computers, internet, e-mail, texting, and twittering many don't really realize how important an experience a speech really is.  Not just the words, but the delivery.  Great speeches such as The Gettysburg Address by Abraham Lincoln, help to shape the world.  And, great speakers are needed to make them happen.

One of the most powerful speakers everyone knows of is Adolph Hitler.  You did not need to know German to understand that this man could communicate, and entrance his listeners.  His oratory skills spawned some of the most horrible events of our time, but his delivery of his message was masterful.  Another of the great speakers of our era was John F. Kennedy.  His delivery of the moon speech was an event that changed the course of American history, and in turn changed the world.

 "We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too."

How many modern speakers could have delivered that line, and made it something that the country believed in.  In all of history we find great speeches and speakers defining the world, in way that are unexpected and amazing.  Who can forget when Khrushchev banged his show on the podium in a show of Soviet defiance?  Sometimes creating the phrases that define the decades to come.  In 1946 Winston Churchill delivered this great line.

"From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an "iron curtain" has descended across the Continent. Behind that line lie all the capitals of the ancient states of Central and Eastern Europe. Warsaw, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, Budapest, Belgrade, Bucharest and Sofia; all these famous cities and the populations around them lie in what I must call the Soviet sphere, and all are subject, in one form or another, not only to Soviet influence but to a very high and in some cases increasing measure of control from Moscow."

The term "iron curtain" endured in the times that came, long after Churchill had passed.  In these times the great skills of a speaker seem to be fading, and many do not build on their oratory skills.  It is good to see Obama making use of them to such a level.  Hopefully others will follow suit.  The last great speaker that comes to mind has the be "the great communicator" Ronald Regan who uttered the immortal lines that virtually every American now knows.

"We welcome change and openness; for we believe that freedom and security go together, that the advance of human liberty can only strengthen the cause of world peace. There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization, come here to this gate. Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

Of course this is in reference to the Berlin Wall, but in a greater sense, it refers to the Iron Curtain, and the end of the separation between the countries that had defined the cold war.  It is speeches and speakers such as Reagan, who define the moments and move hearts and minds to action.

-Uncle Walter

The Schick Styling Dryer With Extra Power!

I found this in the old manual archive in the basement and couldn't resist.  I mean really, how can anyone look that happy with helmet hair?

 

This thing looks like a hair based torture device.   How can anything make hair that stationary without chemicals?

 

Wow, the sideburns are a nice touch.  Kinda looks like young Kurt Russel's hair from his Disney days.  I have to ask, does anyone smile this much when drying hair?  The people on the left seem to, but on the right, they understand how bad this thing has to be.

Now we can control curly or wavy hair.  The child-molester stash is a nice touch. 

I just felt I had to share that today.

-Uncle Walter