Uncle Walter's Rants

Rant of the Day - Hulu's Evil Taunting with old seasons of shows

Do you know what I can't stand? When Hulu posts a classic show I love like WKRP or The Bob Newhart show. These are great classics that you just don't see anymore and there are countless others like them that I would love to watch again. Hulu acts like they're all cool and says, "Hey, I know you want some WKRP right? I've got just what you need right here." And up pops WKRP in recommended shows. And I'm like, "Awesome!" and dive into the show. Season 1 was awesome especially the turkey episode. Now I'm ready to dive into the joy of season 2 right?  Wrong, Hulu taunted me with the pleasures of classic television, let me watch enough to want more and then yanked the rug out from under me. Instead of showing more classics I get directed to Tosh 2.0 Yeah, no thanks.

They did the same thing with The Mary Tyler Moore show, only 2 seasons, and with Bob Newhart only 3. Never enough to feel satisfied, just hungry for more. Damn you Hulu. You promise me everything and then just tease me without satisfaction.

-UW

Once upon a time there was a show called... Sliders (with spoilers, but don't worry, you won't care)

It was a basic 1995 Fox sci-fi show about Quinn Mallory who accidentally invents a "Timer" which opens a dimensional rift (wormhole) that he can "slide" through, coming out on a parallel earth. He is the same, but the world is different. It may be a small change, like Coke tasting different, or a major one where the Soviets conquered the U.S. He takes his friend Wade Welles and his teacher, Professor Maximillian Atruro on the next slide. A miscalculation makes the wormwhole too large and it swallows up singer Rembrandt "Cryin' Man" Brown. They find themselves trapped on an ice world with their lives threatened and they wind up sliding before the timer is set to return them home. They find themselves in another world, and for the first two seasons they travel to parallel earths, hoping to land back home.

I have always loved the concept of parallel universes. What would have happened if I turned left instead of right, or chose a different college? Those are the kind of things that I think of at night when I can't sleep. The first two seasons played this out well and it was an enjoyable series. Not great, but good. There was hope it would get better. Unfortunately, after watching most of the first two seasons, my life became quite a bit more hectic and I missed out on the last three. That is until this fateful weekend, when I went though a Sliders marathon via Netflix instant streaming. I still liked the first two seasons... then I saw the third.

Dear God, what in the hell are they doing? Midway through a season filled with magic "water finding people" and a giant worm that eats people, the professor dies, yes dies at the hands of some freak who needs "brain juice" to live. They are joined by Captain Maggie Beckett in their pursuit of brain juice guy, across multiple worlds. As you would expect, we move on to zombies from there. Then parasitic bugs. And on to vampires... wow. They didn't just jump the shark, they beat it into the ground. The season finally ends on an island of Dr. Moreau knock-off, with Rembrandt and Wade going home to their Earth while Maggie and Quinn slide on. That was a weak ending for a season that I could barely stomach to begin with.

Somewhere in there, all the writers were fired and all new ones were hired. Then Fox dropped them and the SciFi channel (now known as SyFy) picked them up, and supposedly brought back the original writers. The plot of the first SyFy season centers around humanity's battle against Kromaggs, which are people-ish things from a parallel earth. Quinn finds he has a brother (played by the actor's real-life brother) and they hunt for him. Not great, but getting better. There are a few decent episodes, similar to the first two seasons. But Captain Beckett magically transforms from a hardened Marine into a soft, fluffy lady who likes to shop and just isn't herself... at all. Literally they changed the character almost completely. Wade is somehow captured by the Kromaggs, but the group never bothers to look for her, although she is mentioned on occasion. Despite all of this, I had hope since the good elements of the show appeared to be returning.

Then, like so many wonderful dreams, they were smashed on the ground with the arrival of the fifth season. It wasn't just bad, it was insanely bad. Quinn and his brother (the characters and the actors) vanish. We got a whole new Quinn (who goes by Mallory) who has classic Quinn fused with him on a subatomic level. The brother, Colin, is just gone and no one really seems to care. Magically, Wade reappears as a head in a jar who then dies. Then we hear that Quinn cannot separate from Mallory, so Quinn is officially dead. Still no one cares about Colin.

And the viewers don't either. This season is so bad that it retroactively damages the first two. Only Remington survives from the original series, and he tries, oh he tries so hard, but wow this is bad. Maggie's fake affair with the president, pirates, bikers. It is just one weak plot after another. No longer are we dealing with the changes the worlds go through, but instead just the trivialities of survival. The show's soul is dead and gone. It ends, as you would expect, with a weakly formed cliffhanger that makes no sense... and Maggie crying. Yes, Maggie we all cried with you because this show didn't just die, it crashed and burned.

For those of you brave enough to venture into the world of Sliders watch Season One and Season Two. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE WATCH ANY MORE! When they throw dragons and magic into the mix you know it is too far gone.

-Uncle Walter

What the world needs now...is a good critic

Once upon a time I started this little blog because of one thing, the movie Ultra Violet.  As a fan of bad movies I hoped that this would provide some enjoyment.  The reviews were mixed, but they never match my tastes.  Either the movie is great or stinks by them, but they never worked for me.  Then I saw this poorly assembled piece of garbage and I realized that someone should have warned me.  No one told me really how bad it was, no one prepared me, no one told me taking a bathroom break and missing some would have made it a better movie.  I felt it was my duty to be that person and warn people about bad films (and approve of good ones).  Yet, somehow in the process of the rants blog other things came up and it evolved from my23cents.com (movie reviews) to Uncle Walter's Rants (lots 'o' ranty things).

This weekend I took the boy and girl to see How to Train Your Dragon.  It was a fun adventure that was action packed and with a happy ending .  It is one of those movies that I think just about everyone would enjoy.  Yet the news stated it was doing poorly in the box office.  It deserves props.  I feel that old desire brewing again to be a movie critic, just on the side.  Should I start up My23Cents as a movie review site again, as it was in the beginning?

-UW

Late Addition Cartoon Sidekicks, proof that the show has jumped the shark

All of you have recognize it.  The moment when a show jumps the shark (I am of course referring to the Happy Days episode where Fonzie jumped a shark on his motorcycle marking the end of good episodes).  Unfortunately cartoons often have toy tie ins and there is all too much pressure to keep them on the air.  The brilliance of the writers comes out in full force and we have the creation of a new character.  A character whom the viewers universally despise and see as proof the show has ended.  Let's look at some examples.

1.  Scrappy Doo

Yeah, no one liked this little twerp.  He was proof that poor Scooby was nearing the end.  Not only was Scrappy universally disliked, but the hatred of him grew in later years to such a degree that he was the villain in the live action movie.  There are few left on this earth who cry in pain when they hear the words, "Puppy Power!"

2.   The Great Gazoo

Ok, what knucklehead at The Flintstones thought that this would be a great idea?  Hmm, lets see.  Why don't we take a prehistoric family and throw in a alien who talks down to the star, and calls him "Dum Dum".  Nothing about this guy made any sense, he was a freaky green alien who floated around that only Fred and Barney could talk to.  Kind of an alien Snuffy.

3.  OrOrbitty

Yes I recognize the Jetsons were never on the long enough to qualify for Jumping the Shark, but they did have a freaky thing known as Orbitty.  This little furball with spring legs was plain freakish.  I have to give credit where credit is due though.  They used Orbitty to his utmost on Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law when they disclosed that he was genetically engineered corn.

4.  Nat, Snappy, Slouchy, and Sassette Smurfling

Smurfs, bound by age old tradition, such as no females, and babies only coming on blue moons suddenly get Smurfette.  OK, we accept that.  She is some freak of the lab at Gargamel's, but now we have four kids who just show up?  So lets see three (boys) were made younger by some accident.  Ok, not so bad.  Then they want a friend for Smurfette and decide to make one but since they were kids they used kid size ingredients and made a kid.  Yeah, right.  They just wanted four little smurf rugrats running around.

5.  Bubba the Cave Duck

We all knew Ducktales was near the end.  They introduced Gizmoduck (fortuntly a lightly used character) and Launchpad was leaving for St. Canard soon.  But then they introduce this little POS to the cast.  Not only as a fleeting meeting, but they try to make him a regular member.  That is just so so wrong.  I don't know what to make out of him.

Anyway, as you see cartoons introduce freaky sidekicks way too often right at the moment that they should be taken off the air.

-Uncle Walter

40 years, Not Too Bad Sesame Street

Let me take you back in time to a period before home computers, and the internet.  When a digital watch was an amazing and expensive thing and Archie Bunker was still on TV.  I am, of course, speaking of the 1970s when a little Uncle Walter would sit on the floor looking at his family's one TV watching Sesame Street.  Early on I learned the ABCs and 123s from Big Bird and the crew.  I knew Snuffleupagus would vanish as soon as someone came near Big Bird.  I knew the power of hugs and caring.  I cried when Mr. Hooper died.

Now Sesame Street has reached the forty year old milestone.  We have seen Snuffy become visible to all, Elmo rise up in the ranks, and the passing of Jim Henson.  Throughout the years the message and methods have changed, attempting to keep up with the times.  But through it all the educational message remained and the value endured.  Happy birthday Sesame Street.

This post brought to you by the letter "P" and the number "4".

-Uncle Walter

The Voice of Cleveland from The Cleveland Show is White, What's Wrong With That?

So Family Guy has a new spin off, this time Cleveland has left Quahog, RI and moved to Stoolbend, VA.  He has a new family and a new life.  Seems like a fairly standard type of thing for a spin off, but look out, there is a problem here.  Cleveland is played by this guy, Mike Henry.  Notice something?  Cleveland is black and he is white.  There are blogs out there complaining about this.  My god, how can a black man be portrayed by a white man?  Never mind the fact that Cleveland was a minor character in a canceled animated show, that no one thought would return.  And, when Family Guy came back Cleveland was still a minor character so no one complained.  Now he has his own show and that should change? How absurd, really.  Should I start screening all animated programming to make sure the color of a person matches the color of the character that they portray?  Cleveland isn't being portrayed as a racist stereotype, he is just a character creating a new life after his divorce was finalized and he got re-married.  I just get really annoyed at pointless complaints out there on blogs and such.  Let Cleveland be Cleveland no matter who the voice is behind the curtain.  Besides Bart from the Simpsons is just as insensitive because a woman voices him, yet I don't hear anyone complaining about that.

-Uncle Walter

Oh My God! Spongebob Squarepants is 10!!!

Long long ago, before children were a twinkle in my eye I heard of a strange new show on Nickelodeon called Spongebob Squarepants. I asked my coworkers who had children just what this "Spongebob" was about. I heard wild tales of a starfish named Patrick and something called a "Krusty Krab". I was not impressed. It sounded like a preschool show for little kids. Nothing for me and my sophisticated tastes. Then, years later, children came into my life and inevitably so did Spongebob.

I was confused at first. Where were the obvious morals for little kids. Things like don't steal, drugs are bad and knowing is half the battle. They were all absent. Instead this little sponge bounced along through his day in every episode, playing with his friend Patrick, working at the Krusty Krab with Mr. Krabbs and Squidward, and karate fighting with his friend Sandy the squirrel. There was nothing more than happiness, innocence and fun. Even the arch rival of Mr. Krabbs, and by far the most evil person of the show, Plankton just wanted to snatch a formula for a sandwich called the Krabby Patty. As the years went by Spongbob became a regular member of our household. The kids have had Spongebob their entire lives and he has always been a hit.

Now Spongebob as reached an unprecedented milestone. He has hit ten years old, and is still on the air entertaining legions of fans across the globe as the center of a billion dollar Spongebob business empire. In a world where childrens animated shows are destined to be canceled after three seasons Spongbob bucked the trend and blazed a new trail and has elevated himself up to the level of other great animated shows in history like The Simpsons and Family Guy. And, he did it without offending, sacrificing his morals, and above all else never losing his child-like innocence. So, happy birthday Spongebob. You will always be welcome in my home!

-Uncle Walter

Lost in Space - Where else do they fight talking carrots on TV?

Between 1965-1968 our airwaves were graced with a show unlike any other, Lost in Space.  It was the story of the Robinson family on a mission to find a new planet for humans to settle since it was 1997, and we had nearly depleted all our natural resources.  So they set off in the Jupiter 2 (their spaceship) and go into cyrogenic sleep for their journey.  Unfortunately for them Dr. Smith sneaks on board the ship to sabotage it and ends up throwing all of them off course and into the depths of space where they are lost.  It was a campy dated show, first in B&W and then in color, well technicolor.  The storyline always revolved around their attempts to get home. 

After it's three year run, which was way too long, it ended.  It was originally supposed to be a serious story about a family surviving alone, but when it was placed next to Batman on the show schedule, campy became the order of the day.  A few interesting facts about the show include:

1.  It was an Irwin Allen Production who at the time made a small group of SciFi TV shows, however Lost in Space was considered the absolute example of the how TV should not do SciFi.

2.  The theme song was composed by John Williams, who later when on to create the theme for Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Jaws, Indiana Jones, Superman, and many more. 

3.  CBS passed up Star Trek to take Lost in Space instead.

4.  In 1997 is was made into a parody musical called Danger, Will Robinson!

So why am I writing about this?  Well today, courtesy my loving wife, I was reminded of a horrible episode where the Robinsons were confronted with talking vegetables.  I highly recommend this episode to anyone who loves campy shows.

Check it out on HULU at http://www.hulu.com/watch/23808/lost-in-space-the-great-vegetable-rebellion

Oh, and don't bother with the 1998 movie version of Lost in Space, it lacks all the charm and magic of the original.

Ten Best TV Shows So Far

So I have been on Facebook lately (Make me your friend!  "Unc Walter") looking at all these lists and games and such.  One caught my eye where you get to choose your favorites, so I have decided to post a list here.  So for your reading pleasure, what I consider to be the best TV shows so far.

10.  The Prisoner

It only ran for 17 seasons, but it challenged you to question everything.  I am not a number! cries Number six.  Even The Simpsons took them on with Mr. X's blog episode.  It was strange surreal, and drug induced, but you never stopped trying to figure out who has Number Six and why.'

9.  Mr. Roger's Neighborhood

Who doesn't remember Mr Rogers?  This was a man everyone wanted to be president.  You always felt better after he came in and sat down to talk.  The only times he ever made you sad was when he stopped doing his show and when he passed away.  We miss you Mr. Rogers!

8.  Family Guy

No it isn't highbrow, but it is clever, original and makes me laugh.  I know I will never do toad!  Besides what other show has an evil monkey in the closet?

7.  The Daily Show

The only place to get news.  Here they have no problem showing their opinion and you know it.  Unlike standard news where slants are veiled.

6.  South Park

What other show has Jesus as a regular and shows Santa being shot down over Iraq?  For the absolute best and most disturbing you will have to check out Scott Teneman must die.  This show mercilessly attacks all religions, and political parties.  It never stops even for a minute.  For those who have not seen it I would highly recommend the Imagination Land set.

5.  I Love Lucy

Yes it is campy and old, but it was a trend setter and broke many conventions that were simply accepted by television.  Remember this was the first show to have a pregnancy or to even push the beds together.  A generation of kids saw this show on tv long before cable came into the picture via the magic of reruns.

4.  Land of the Lost

What can I say, it was campy, cool and had dinosaurs.  What else do you need?

3.  The Simpsons

What other show has over 20 years, over 400 episodes and, still has some good ones?The Simpsons pushed the limits and paved the way for other animated shows to follow.  Has it jumped the shark yet? Maybe, but I hope not.

2.  Macgyver


Macgyver was cool and could do anything with a paperclip, some duct tape and his trusty pocket knife.  He taught a generation that science was cool, and that one man could do anything!

1.  Star Trek (All Series)

What other series has accomplished what Star Trek has?  It not only created a collective of fans, but also made something of a bold statement of the time.  The future can be better, and we will do better.  Remember that Star Trek started in the Cold War, when the clock nearing doomsday was almost at the end.  Racial tensions ran throughout the country, and we had a war in Vietnam, but Star Trek said it could and would be better.  Then after their run, they came back as some of the best (and a not so best) movies, and then onto new series.  What single show has spawned five series (besides the original) and eleven movies?  Friday a new Trek hits the screens and we will soon see how far trek will take us.  For these reasons and many more Trek wins out for me.

So there you are for what is it worth, my top ten.

-Uncle Walter